Double the Snark: Game-Inspired (future) Box Office Bombs

It was officially announced today that New Line Cinemas is beginning work on an adaptation of Rampage ( Yes, Rampage the arcade game where you, as either King Kong, Godzilla, or a Werewolf, attempt to destroy a city and smush its people into crumbly little bits (while avoiding being shocked by toasters).

Also, Universal is bringing none other than Battleship to the silver screen next summer- as in, the childrens’ game where you try to sink the other player’s ships by guessing their coordinates, while you try to keep your little brother from cheating. (

And, not to be outdone, Warner Brothers just greenlit a Lego movie, to be released in 2014 (

In the spirit of these oh-so-creative and original movies, we’ve come up with a few game-inspired movies of our own:

Chutes and Ladders
In this fast-paced action thriller, contestants are unwittingly placed in a game that’s a race to the top – and a battle to the death. It’s the luck of the draw as they climb the ladder of success, or slide to the end of the pack.

A trip to the doctor was never so scary – when a deranged surgeon (Anthony Hopkins), known only to his victims as “The Specialist,” abducts his victims, he performs gruesome surgeries that will make your hair stand on end. Get ready for the shock of a lifetime.

In this War Games update, directed by Michael Bay, two teenagers accidentally hack into the Department of Defense mainframe and start World War III. Their only hope is a recluse of a chess master, who they must persuade to out-maneuver the rest of the world.

The Settlers of Catan
Set 300 years in the future, Earth has been ravaged by years of war and famine, leaving only rubble and the shadow of a once-great world. When four groups of strangers begin to rebuild the world, they violently clash over land and the few remaining resources. In this take or be-taken post-apocalyptic future, it’s every man for himself.

The Wild West is the new frontier, and ripe for the claiming. Richard Pennybags is the cruel and callous Mayor of Monopoly, working the townspeople to the bone as he expands the borders of the town. While working on the new Short Line Railroad, the workers strike, refusing to continue without higher wages and better working conditions. Led by the bravest rail worker around (Jake Gyllenhaal), and his loyal Scottish terrier, the citizens of Monopoly quickly learn the perils that befall the peon when they attempt to bankrupt the richest man in the west.

See: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory



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1 Response to Double the Snark: Game-Inspired (future) Box Office Bombs

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